Responsible Parenting

Tags

babywearing, funny, parenting

Notice how my hands free while baby-wearing. You never know when someone is going to hand you a glass of wine!

He takes his childcare VERY seriously. This is her crib. He just told me that Baby is quiet and ready for sleep. Um, can you do that every night? Plz.

Today has been crazy productive- I hope I can get the pictures off the camera so I can share with you tomorrow!

A day in the life

First, you must realize- the fact that I am writing this down means tomorrow everything will change.

7:00am Wake up with the baby, come downstairs to find the boys and Daddy getting ready for breakfast, relieve Daddy so he can get going to work.

7:30am Change and feed baby.

8:30am Realize I’ve been awake for over an hour and haven eaten or drank anything. Frantically choke down a high-fiber breakfast bar and 750mL of water at first opportunity.

9:00am Remind big boys to play nicely together, so mommy doesn’t get angry.

9:01am Explain that acts of violence towards siblings will result in loss of privileges.

9:04am Run down into basement playroom to resolve conflict which has now escalated to random acts of violence. Baby dangling in sling or on boob while I attempt to separate big kids for a time-out.

9:05am Count down to nap-time begins. T-minus 3 hours and counting.

9:45am Put in contacts and put on deodorant. Hair brushing is optional, luckily, hair is curly.

10:00am Brush children’s teeth. Am thankful one child does not yet have teeth- timesaver!

10:15am Change and feed baby.

10:30am Start preparing lunch.

11:00am Feed boys lunch.

11:30am Remind boys to eat while at the table. Please finish lunch, please stop hitting/ throwing food/ yelling.

11:45am Begin to attempt to change Henry’s diaper before nap

12:00pm Diaper change success! Now comes the emotional bribery to get him to go upstairs willingly. I cannot lift him without serious pain, am pretty sure I pulled a muscle in my abs.

12:30pm Toddler nap success!

12:01pm Change and feed baby.

1:00pm Infant nap success!!

1:04pm Must clean mess in living room in order to enjoy nap-time.

1:17pm Am starving. Eat lunch, chips, cookies and chug sweet tea.

1:35pm Must hurry and enjoy nap-time. Choose trashy show from DVR.

1:36pm Jack needs a cookie.

1:42pm Jack needs some fruit.

1:57pm Jack informs me he has to pee.

2:03pm I catch Jack trying to watch my completely inappropriate TV show when he should be gaming on PBS.org.

2:45pm Nap-time over for Henry. Enjoy Henry snuggles and story time.

3:00pm Ask Jack to turn off the computer.

3:20pm Jack turns off computer.

3:30pm Change and feed baby.

4:00pm The afternoon crankies set in. Whining, fighting and general bad behavior increase by 50%.

4:20pm Am finally able to get boys dressed to play outside. Shoes are cruel parental torture and take forever Jack- because he claims he cannot do it himself but I choose to engage this battle of wills because I refuse to put shoes on 3 kids and I can see the writing on that wall. Henry- because his penultimate favorite word is ‘no’, as first place belongs to ‘why’.

4:30pm Enjoy socialization with other adult humans while dealing with interruptions for street safety.

5:45pm Watch Husband’s car pull into parking space.

5:50pm Am cursing husband’s name. How effing long do you need to put down briefcase and change clothes.

5:55pm Will never speak to husband again. Where the eff is he?!

6:00pm Am so glad to see husband and have help. Finding him oddly sexy when he saves me from myself in this way.

6:30pm Dinnertime. Am also feeding baby.

7:15pm Shower or bath time. Am still feeding baby.

8:00pm Story and bed time. Am still feeding baby, cluster feeding is exhausting.

8:01pm Mommy does the dance of joy. Celebrating survival of the day.

8:02pm Play my turns in Words with Friends and Draw Something, watch DVRed show or movie.

9:45pm Pass out in bed.

Somewhere in the midst of all of this I try to do the following:
Stay in touch with family and friends. (I give myself credit for blogging.)
Laundry. Right now I’m averaging a load every other day, there is more to do but I do not have the time or energy on the off-days.
Dishes. We prefer to eat on clean dishes.
Diapers. Washing and reassembling Henry’s diapers takes about 2.5 hours. Luckily, 2 hours of that is wash-time.
Shower. I’m averaging 1 shower every other day. Fortunately, I have dry curly hair so showering every other day is ideal for my hair health.
Vitamins. I try to remember these daily. Especially because I would swear those placenta pills are keeping my energy up and my sanity on the level.
Crafty projects. I try to make time daily, even if it’s just 10 minutes for something I enjoy. It’s good for my sanity.
Cuddle each kid as many times a day as they are willing and time allows. In a flash they are going to be 12, 14, and 16. And I will be desperately seeking cuddles of any kind.

I told you so

Many of you will argue that I should be lucky to have a husband who does middle of the night diaper changes, true. But that doesn’t make this story any less funny -for me.

Every night for the last 2.5 weeks (I cannot believe Maggie is that old already) I have calmly… and also not so calmly explained to the Husband that he is changing her diapers wrong.

Boys are different. When you change a boy diaper you have to duck and cover. Switch the dirty diaper for the clean one quick or you WILL get peed on. He has been complacent now that he has a girl. They don’t pee all over you. It just trickles out and before you know it- puddle.

Each middle of the night (and any daytime) change he performs he removes her diaper completely, folds the dirty one, wipes her off, knits a sweater, makes maple syrup from scratch and then puts on the new one.

Last night it happened. Puddle. All over his side of the bed. Husband, meet couch.

Let that be a lesson to you, husband.

Girl, boy…. All diaper changes at this early stage require CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!

Well that’s a sobering new reality

I used to laugh at these carts.

Isn’t marijuana the gateway drug?

Last night I was grabbing Jack’s clothes for the laundry when I found a syringe in his pocket.

Apparently it’s never too soon for the “Just say no” discussion.

You have reached the end of the Internet.

I feel this way on a near weekly basis. I scroll through Facebook status updates and Tweets. I read all the blogs I am subscribed to via Google Reader and my Flipbook RSS, let us say there are quite a few. I read several of the interesting articles as recommended to me by Zite, which sometimes include blogs I’m already subscribed to. I hit Pinterest, hard. I check my e-mail, both of them. And by about 9:45am I have usually reached the end of the Internet.

It’s my own fault. I’ve tried to expand what I read and check and scroll through but if I add anything something else often gets deleted, if not from my actual bookmarks then from my brain.

It has become painfully clear to me that my brain is only capable of tracking, acquiring and retaining so much information in any given day. Once I have reached my maximum capacity I may as well have reached the end of the Internet. Reading anymore jeopardizes my ability to remember to deodorize before leaving the house, or finish a load of laundry or change the boys our of their PJs before 11am. Fortunately they don’t seem to mind staying in their PJs… but the other stuff? That’s kinda important… especially deodorizing. Moms can be judgmental, the last thing I need is to add “she stinks!” to a list of reasons not to like me!

Do you ever reach the end of the Internet? How do you cope?

Just checking…

So about 3 months ago I was bit by a deer tick and got Lyme Disease- plague. Then we has an earthquake. Then a hurricane. Now our basement is flooded.

Okay not so much flooded as the carpet is wet near the door and despite our best efforts we couldn’t revive it.

If anyone notices a reign of fire or a swarm of locusts you had better call me because I’m heading for the hills!

Upside, I might be getting new carpeting or hardwood in the basement! Were still negotiating the specifics….

In the mean time, what is your odor fighting go-to? I’ll try anything!!

Earthquake

So I’m sitting on my couch, enjoying some nap time DVR… though technically its post nap because Henry is enjoying a post-nap couch snuggle while I finish the one and only show I was able to watch during his very short nap. When suddenly it feels like Jack is ramming himself against the couch, this would not be the first time, so when I turn to yell at him I see him playing quietly on the computer. As the “Ja…” rolls out of my mouth I realize not only am I a crap mom, but this is an earthquake.

I pause the DVR, because heaven forbid I have to rewind what I missed, grab Henry and stand up. I get Jack to come to me and then I just stand there like an idiot in the middle of the living rom. My brain is thinking a million steps ahead. “Outside is probably safest.” “It’s not getting any worse, but should we go outside anyway?” “This is another time where Mommy acts like a crazy person and they’re left wondering why.” “The kids don’t realize what’s going on… they aren’t scared at all.” “I think the shaking is slowing down.” “Should I do something? Should I call someone?” “I should totally get on Facebook!”

I turn to Jack, “Okay, Jack. You can go play. Thank you for coming when mommy asked.”

Henry proceeds to cling to me like a spider monkey for the next hour. Who’s to say what caused it… he’s teething, he’s always clingy when he wakes up, he might have been weirded out by the quake, or perhaps he thinks Mommy has gone insane.

Well, that’s awkward.

One morning after breakfast was finished I was cleaning up the dishes (and drinking some kombucha). The boys climbed up the stairs Jack was talking about space ships and Henry was happy just to be included.

I hear Jack running from room to room and I hear Henry crawling at warp speed (walk, already, would ya?). Then a few minutes pass. I’ve cleaned up the kitchen and finished my kombucha. I listen to see what they’re doing.

::silence::

I remember the last time there was silence. ::eye twitch::

Well, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice… Mommy’s an idiot. I run upstairs and find Jack and Henry giggling in my bedroom with ‘the grown-up-and-married-adult drawer’ open and the massage oils lying on the floor. Jack says to me “I put this one (lavender massage oil) on Henry’s legs. They were dirty and I cleaned them.”

Grrrrrreat.

The good news is none got on the rug, floors, walls or curtains. So there’s that.

You would think, with today being April Fools…

That I’d have a good “gotcha” story.

I was reading Free Range Kids as recommended by Rixa at Stand and Deliver. Because I’m feeling crampy and sluggish this morning, I was relaxing on the couch while the boys played so nicely together. Jack told me that the kitchen was the storage room. And they were doing ‘constructions’. “Cool!” I said. Oh, man, I was so wrong. It’s so not cool!Why does Jack look so pleased with himself? After a few minutes of quiet reading and play Henry came crawling back into the living room. His chin and hands and pants were totally white. WHITE? Had they been putting holes in the drywall? What was that white stuff. I jump off the couch and run into the kitchen.

This photo was taken after I’d cleaned up about 50% of the mess.

I find Jack standing paintbrush in hand painting the pantry door with Killz Primer (acrylic based, in case you’re wondering). Somehow I manage to keep my head, which is so not typical me, and I say “Okay, nobody move! Jack come stand over here.” Hmmm… “I understand those orders are mutually exclusive so please come stand over here so Mommy can do clean up.”

“I’m just painting the door, and the table.”

“I know, and you did a good job but now it’s time to clean up.” How am I going to clean this up? I immediately thought about just burning down the house and starting over. Too wasteful. Then I grabbed some Clorox wipes (also pretty wasteful, but I was desperate!) and got to work.

It’s coming up. Oh thank God, it’s coming up! Now it’s not coming up! Some of this is dried on already!

::phone dialing::

“Hey, honey, how would you get primer off the hardwood?”

“Um… why?”

“Jack painted half the kitchen.”

“Mineral spirits. On the utility sink. Go! Go! Go!”

“I’ll call you in 5 minutes with an update.”

We are nothing if not efficient.

Turns out mineral spirits and Clorox wipes and soap and water was all I needed. The kitchen is now actually cleaner that it was before it happened.

Unfortunately the same cannot be said for Henry’s clothes.

So who’s idea was this?

Well, they’ve got that whole solidarity thing down.

This might be weird but I’m most impressed by the fact that Jack used a flat head screwdriver to take off the lid. Found 2 paintbrushes (one for Henry). And managed not to get any paint on himself.

Henry was another story.