Well, readers, as many of you know. I am now a mommy of two handsome little men. Below is my birth story in full detail. It’s got info like ‘cervical dilation’ in it, so don’t read it aloud to the kiddos, okay?!

April 2:

7:10pm- I’m laying in savasana (resting yoga pose done at the end of practice) in my prenatal yoga class. Our meditation for the pose was to focus on trusting our bodies, which to be honest, I didn’t. I didn’t think my body would go into labor, I really didn’t believe I could trust my own body. So like a mantra I started repeating “I believe my body can do this” over and over to myself when, no joke, all of a sudden 3 HARD contractions hit me. I was breathing so deeply and writhing around on the floor, I just didn’t want to ruin everyone else’s relaxation time!

7:35pm- My yoga instructor, Darlene, offers to push on some of my pressure points. Because I do not believe I’m actually in labor… but if I was these points would make my contractions stronger. Nothing changes, my contractions are pretty intense but nothing to convince me I am in-fact in labor.

7:45pm- Walking to my car I had to stop and hold on to several other parked cars on my way to my own. Which forces me to come to the realization that I am actually in labor. Woo Hoo!

8:00pm- Laboring at home. Since I hadn’t eaten since lunch I ate some peanut butter out of the jar. We packed the hospital bag, did 3 loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, cleared off both digital cameras, backed everything up on the hard drive and spent a lot of time laying up the stairs or bent over the bed… cause, ouch! At this point contractions were 3-4 minutes apart lasting 45 seconds.

11:15pm- My parents arrive! Thank goodness! We give my dad the quick and dirty run down of what to do and where to find things during the night and my mom, Matt and I pile into the car.

11:45pm- We arrive at the hospital. My water breaks as my mom is wheeling me up, because, no… I can’t walk through the contractions. Which were every other minute lasting for an entire minute (typically this happens in transition 7-10cm dilation). So I get into triage and at this point I’m not just breathing through the contractions, I’m screaming through them. I’m trying to do my low guttural grunting, but sometimes it just came out as a scream. So when the midwife, Joann, checked me and told me I was only 2-3cm I was like… oh shit, what do I do now?!

She said she never suggests pain medication to her patients in normal circumstances but because my contractions were in transition by my cervix was in early labor she suggested that I get checked in and get some stadol to hopefully slow the contractions and space them out enough that they would finally match my cervical progress. Because I couldn’t relax enough between them to allow my body to do what it needed to do.

April 3:

12:30am- This is me trying not to die from pain. Can you die from pain? I was starting to think it was possible. I get me some stadol. Which didn’t really take the edge off the pain of the contractions themselves but it did spread them out and make me really loopy so between contractions I was almost asleep. Right after I got the stadol the anesthesiologist came in… I’m thinking, WTF? Who invited you to this party. So I listen to his “pain management options” seminar and then say thank you, but no thank you.

2:00am- The nice main with the epidural came back because, like I said, the stadol did not take the edge off the pain of the contractions at all :-(. Too bad the position I had to sit in, the pain of the numbing injections and the pain of the epidural needle were so painful I actually screamed myself horse. I believe I said things like “Ouch” and “Get away from me” and “Stop” all while trying not to move around too much so I didn’t accidentally end up paralyzed. My midwife checks me and I’m 4-5cm… well at least it’s progress, right?

5:15am- Another check from the midwife. I’m 10cm. Waitexcusemewhatthefuck?! I know I said all along, I trust my body to do this, IF I go into labor. It’s one thing to say that you believe your body can actually do a thing, and it’s another to actually KNOW that you get to do the thing! My midwife says to me, well, “We can let you start pushing down, but since you’re at +1…” I finish her thought with “let me labor-down first?” So we turn the lights back down and I try to sleep…. but I’m too excited. At least I closed my eyes and dozed for a bit.

7:35am- My shhhh secret favorite midwife, David, (who delivered Emily L’s Colin) comes on duty and says, alright, it’s time to push! So I push and I push, and although it took quite a while it didn’t seem like a long time (also I didn’t let myself look at the clock… who cares how long this takes as long as I get to do it!)

9:55am- Henry James is born!! The first thing I said? ” I did it!” But then I looked down at Henry and I said “We did it! We did it!” Matt got to cut his umbilical chord. My mom held one leg and Matt held the other (until my mom switched to photography mode). I have one tiny 1st degree tear and a shiny happy disposition!

Yes. I reached down and helped deliver him myself. And then I just held him and held him and held him some more. Finally I let him go off and get measured. 8lbs 8oz. 19 inches. 4 days early.

Then big brother Jack came to visit.

Matt, Me, David and my Henry.

And then we got to do what normal delivering mommies get to do… we CAME HOME!
There really just are not words for how damn happy I am. One of the sweetest things of all was when Matt said to me “I didn’t realize how much I missed out on too. I’m so proud of you, and I’m so glad you got to do it.”