If you don’t like brutal honesty intermixed with the occasional swear word you are not going to like this post. You have been warned.

This morning I donned my running shoes and what can only be described as a straight jacket sports bra. I grabbed my running number and my fancy running chip… more on that later. My traitor brother and I drove over to the race.

Before we started I was like “Okay, I’m going to rock this- its going to be awesome!” My brother turned to me and said “So, I want to get a good baseline time (it’s his first 5k too) so I’m going to ditch you.”

Awesome.

Not surprising, but still super freekin’ awesome.

It was probably better that I pace myself than try to stay with someone who is faster than me.

Then the race starts and I’m running (jogging). I refused to get sucked into running wicked fast at the beginning, there were lots of people who passed me. Some were 3 feet tall… I’m going to get my ass kicked by a 6 year old girl. Fvcking great.

I just jogged at my pace. Doing my own thing. Trying not to die and not to need to stop. Then I looked down and saw my fancy chip was falling off my shoe. I reached down and grabbed it and shoved it in my sweaty bra. Sexy.

Right around the second mile marker I wanted to give up. I wanted to walk so bad. But that 6 year old girl was using me as some kind of pacing device. Bitch. She would run fast, way faster than me and then gas out and stop completely, and then her dad would say “come on, let’s catch back up to her.” and suddenly they would pass me again and then she would stop. Again. It happened like 10 times. I wanted to turn to the dad and say “Can you guys leave me alone? Kthxbi.” But my kids are that annoying too, so I let it go. That and ya know, trying to talk might have been the end of it. Me dead in a pile of sweaty awesomeness.

By the time I rounded the bend and could see the finish I was just about ready to lay down and die. I was telling myself if I just finish the damn thing I will never have to run again. Ever. Ever. Ever.

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But as soon as the finish was in sight my body took over. Just like I’ve always trusted it to in the water. When the end was coming some yet-un accessed energy reserve was suddenly there for the taking. I never looked at the time as I crossed. I was just trying to survive. But they tell me it was about 33 minutes.

And that fancy chip all sweaty and in my bra? Never registered my time. So for my official time I have to wait till tonight when the official results get posted.
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Would I do it again? Now that I’m a few hours out… yes. I don’t know how much of a thing it will become, but I do enjoy that it is the easiest way for me to get exercise right now.

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