We were at lessons earlier tonight.

The instructor had a heck of a time controlling the class. She never said “two hands on the wall” “eyes on me” or “sit on the edge, hands in your lap” rookie. I mean’ come on…

So at one point she walks over and says “Jack seems to be able to do it but needs reminding about all the steps” -because, like me, he is a natural on his back and looks like a hot mess trying to do freestyle.

So in response to her comment I say: “Yes with constant reminding he can swim the crawl, but he probably has ADHD so, it doesn’t surprise me.”

Now I, as his mother, can give him a fake-diagnosis because both Mommy and Daddy have a real diagnosis. And I , as his mother, realize that it’s entirely possible that it’s not ADHD but that he suffers from being a five year old boy. Also, as his mother, this is my veiled way of saying ‘pay better attention to the class you’re teaching and instead of just yelling at them when they aren’t doing something try praising them when they do a skill so they know to keep doing it.’ Apparently I should have gone with the direct approach. Because her response to me left me floored:

Instructor: Eyes get wide- and also judgy, “Isn’t he on medication?”

Me: “He is too young.” (Just how I feel about it.)

Instructor: “Who told you that?!?!”

Me: Judgy eyebrows raised.

Instructor: “I used to work in that field.”

Me: In my head, ‘I see you were asked to leave…’ What I really said, “I feel he is too young.” And I don’t have a degree in child psychiatry, so there is also that….

Instructor: “Ohhh…”

I…. I don’t….. I can’t even….. My brain hurts. It must be because it’s LIQUIFYING INSIDE MY HEAD.

This little stunt of hers came after her big speech about how she loves to teach beginning swimmers….

Lord help me…..